How to Forget to be Afraid

How to Forget to be Afraid

Posted by on Mar 9, 2020 in Random | 2 comments

In honor of getting back to my creative roots, I’m taking things slow. It’s easier to build up momentum that way. I wholeheartedly agree with jumping in with both feet, usually, but this time, things feel like a slow-burn approach. Mostly because jumping in feels foreign and uncomfortable. It’s not something I’m used to anymore. In fact, it feels like something I’ve never done, even though I know that isn’t true. So I keep telling myself this is the way to do it. Don’t guilt yourself into it. Don’t feel bad if you don’t. Do what feels right. Even though I know once I get going, it will feel right. It’ll feel normal…for the first time in a long time. If I know that, why does it feel hard? Why does it feel like I’m a hack? Like a wannabe? Why is it uncomfortable to sit down and create? That, my friends, is the question. A slow-burn approach, ( i.e. only utilizing writing when it feels good) isn’t extremely productive when it comes to word count. This I know. But it allows me to do what I love to do most before a world unfolds; daydream. Often times I won’t talk to anyone about a book I’m working on. Not in the early stages. I have a strange legend-like fear that tells me if I voice the idea too soon, it may leave. Maybe it hasn’t grown roots in my soul yet and all it takes is a whisper to allow it to escape, never to be seen again. Foolish? Perhaps. But not a risk I’m willing to take. Maybe I just want to keep it to myself for a little while longer. That seems equally as likely. When I’m ready to talk, it’s either because I have it all figured out and I’m excited, or more often than not, I’m stuck. I enjoy having a soundboard; someone to talk about my ideas with. They don’t even need to speak or provide me with the answers. I just need to talk and the problems resolve themselves, or the ideas unfold in a natural way. In some cases, I need feedback on what I’m thinking or where I’m stuck. With that in mind, an interesting thing happened to me on the weekend. As you know, it’s been a few years and then some since I published a novel. In that time, it appears my oldest little girl has grown up. They both have, in fact, quite a bit more than I’m comfortable with, but alas, such is life. I digress. With the knowledge of my oldest having grown up seemingly overnight, an interesting thing happened. She became a part of the soundboard system. Usually, it’s me and my wife, but this time, she jumped right in too. I guess she’s old enough to partake now. Who knew? So here we...

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Restart, resume, or a bit of both?

Restart, resume, or a bit of both?

Posted by on Mar 2, 2020 in Random | 10 comments

I’ve been online and offline the past few years with everything up in the air. I often ask myself why? Why have I been ignoring my website, my books, social media outlets, and creative writing in general? It’s a question I’ve let plague me for years. I try to answer it and get inspired, and the circle of excitement, doubt, and then nothingness follows. It usually starts with an urge to make something. I want to: draw, or write, or sing, or…something. I want to create. I want to create something awesome, or great, sometimes I’d even accept a simple ‘good.’ This is followed by indecisiveness on which creative path to follow in that instant. Time goes by, I think some more of what I want to do, and then I announce internally that it’s too late to start anything now. Let the TV watching or video game gaming commence. Other times I just go to bed early. I’ve watched as fellow authors have come and gone from the industry, choosing instead another adventure. Although not active, I’m generally watching. Of course, only in a non-creepy way… I’ve let myself feel immense guilt over not writing. Over ignoring something I once loved. I told myself I wouldn’t be able to reach the stature and sales I once had. The landscape of publishing changes quickly, and if you’re not watching you might miss something. I did miss something. I missed the fact that I didn’t start writing to have a career and make a living. I was fortunate in that I was able to do that for a time, but I let that dream go in search of a life with less solitude. Throughout the entirety of my inner dialogue, I forgot the fact that I love to write. I write for me. That’s what makes my books so special. They’re a passion come to life. In addition, I missed the fact that I could’ve made a social life whilst maintain a writing life. I missed a great many things. But the best part of this crazy little thing we call life is that nothing is certain, and certainly nothing is permanent. It’s never too late. Writing, publishing, and creating, in general, is a choice. It’s something you do with intent, whether you know where the path is leading or not, you intend to create. Sometimes it’s a mess of paint on canvas not truly resembling anything, yet somehow it makes you feel something. What? That’s as much in the eye of the beholder as anything. Sometimes it’s a mess of words you can’t decipher, but it could be something, maybe. If you add this or move this here, or add a little of that. All I know for sure is that I miss the clickity-clack of the keys. I miss the rhythm of words and sentences bouncing off the...

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A New Dawn…or Something

A New Dawn…or Something

Posted by on May 23, 2017 in Matty Says, Random, Writing |

In my lack of attention to the blog, I realize reviewing the comments section here that I receive a lot of spam. I deleted well over a hundred comments that were garbage links. It reminds to use this space more constructively. Disappearing for months at a time helps no one, myself included. Which means I need to think of ways to use the blog that work for me. It’s not a place simply to talk about my books, because let’s be honest, there aren’t that many of them. It isn’t a place to promise more books, again, because I don’t write full-time anymore. But it is a place for me to write. To tell the bits of story that fill my mind but don’t have a place in a book, at least not yet. Perhaps one day. Today, after a short hiatus I took to educate myself on a few things, I emerge from the dim light of my reading nook a new man, or, at the very least, a man reminded of all the beauty language holds. In these moments I rediscovered a many great things. First, I don’t read nearly enough. That’s a sad truth; I love the written word, and the story writers produce with little more than a recognized language and an understanding of vision. Second, I don’t keep myself spurring forward with creative output. When I’m not writing a new book, my mind wanders aimlessly from one Fantasy world to another. I dream of fire and magic spurring in skies that dance with Northern Lights, and I find myself elsewhere. To an ancient forest, the dirt padded with the footprints of soldiers. Their gods abandoned them in a time of need, and the mythical forces behind their demons overpowered their armies. It’s fun, that is for certain, but a world uncreated is left in the imagination. Therefore, going forward, I’ll be using my blog as a creative outlet to spit ideas. Some will stay here and live for as long as the website is running. But a few might hold the potential as the hunting grounds for new stories I plan to tell. Only time will tell. One of the more important things I’ve learned the past few weeks is that whether reading fiction, or a book on craft, I have much to learn. This is a fact I refuted for no other reason than arrogance. I didn’t want to have much to learn. I wanted greatness fresh out of the gate, and as I look back on some of my earlier works, I realize they could have benefited from knowledge I didn’t have at the time. That’s not to discredit them, only to say going forward I have new tools to work with. I find myself, even when stepping away from books on writing, language, style, and craft to discover someone else’s fabricated world, learning. I’m taking things away...

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The Rise of Genesis Release Day!

The Rise of Genesis Release Day!

Posted by on Mar 15, 2016 in Random |

Finally, after all this time, a new book has arrived. This book has a lot of blood, sweat, and tears put into it. Even more than that, time. There is so much time worked into each of these pages, it`s hard to imagine that at some point it was nothing more than some ideas scribbled down. These characters and the journey they take are close to my heart, and I cannot wait for each of you to experience it. I`m going to do some follow up posts about the book, but for today, I want only to celebrate it`s release into the world. Just like my other books, there`s a piece of my soul embedded in the story of Genesis. Maybe a bigger piece than most. So without further ado, I give you a little piece of me and my imagination. The Rise of Genesis. Click the cover for more info and purchase links!...

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I May Have to Quit you GOT

I May Have to Quit you GOT

Posted by on Jun 15, 2015 in Random, Rant And Ramble | 2 comments

Game of Thrones. I think many of us can admit there is a no-holds-bar story here that really grabs a hold of  us. I haven’t read the books, and I won’t pretend that I haven’t loved the show. I have. I just don’t know if I continue it any more. At least not on a week-by-week basis. I had no idea what to expect when I started watching it, but it’s quickly turned into a bit of a regret. The reason? Hopelessness. I get it. I do. The real world is cruel, we suffer consequences to our actions. We make our beds, we lie in them, we deal, life goes on…most of the time. The same is true for a story, and in this case, more specifically, Game of Thrones. Not everybody lives. Or in GOT’s case, everybody dies! It’s a sad truth that we all recognize. It’s like real life! The thing is, I already live in real life. Real life is already difficult at times. I already see death and sacrifice. I’ve already experience loss and pain. I’ve made mistakes and luckily I’ve lived to learn from them. I’ve done all this. Not on the same grand scale of course, but it’s existent in my life nonetheless. I feel it’s safe to say it exists in all of our lives to some degree. But I don’t want to watch real life. I live in real life. I want a story. Something different. I want to be taken on an adventure, and one that I’m happy to be on. I’m not sure I share that happiness with GOT any longer.     ***POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD***     When Ned was taken in the first season, I was shocked. That word doesn’t even do true justice to how I felt. It was more like throwing a remote through a TV screen because it was the TV’s fault. I couldn’t believe it. Then Rob, Lady Stark, and a few others and I realized this show doesn’t hold back. How intense! At first it was gripping. I couldn’t believe they would slaughter my favorites. Soon after the second season, I began to get bored with it. I continued, of course, because I loved what was being created. The tension was…well, intense! The action was thick and the characters were rich. As the story has progressed through, I feel like each season has let me down a little more. That’s not to say it isn’t all fantastically put together, it is. From acting to directing to screenplay–it’s all wonderful. I just don’t know that it’s for me anymore. The reason for that feeling, I think, is the lack of hope. The entire reason I watch a show or movie, or read a book, is to enter another realm. My imagination joins with the creator’s for a little while and I let them take...

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A Power Riddle

A Power Riddle

Posted by on Feb 13, 2015 in Matty Says, Random, You Tell Me |

Most of us use them every day, although sometimes in the wrong way. They can break hearts or mend them. They can change lives, or ruin them. They can be invisible, or seen anywhere. They can tear us down, or lift us up. They can hurt us, or they can heal us. They can take us on adventures, or bring us back to reality. They can confuse us, or help us understand. They mean nothing to anyone, but everything to us. What are they?       Words. They’re interesting things. If you didn’t know it already, now that you have the answer, you can see how everything above applies.   They mean nothing to anyone, but everything to us.    Water is my zone. It’s not my element, it’s not part of my astral sign, but it’s my place of comfort. It helps me think and sort through thoughts and ideas, and on occasion, it gets me clean. While in my zone, I realized something: words are powerful. You didn’t need me to tell you that, and when I thought it, I didn’t think it was news. What really had me thinking is how a word(s) can mean something to one person, and nothing to another. Sometimes it matters who is saying those words. Or does that person matter at all? Do words themselves hold power? The word hate and the word love can mean everything or nothing to us. It really depends how we feel at the moment they’re said, and who might be saying them. If somebody you don’t care about, or perhaps don’t even like, says I love you, what do those words mean to you? Probably nothing. On the other hand, if somebody you’ve been dating for a while says it, and they’re the type of person that makes you feel like butterflies are shooting cannonballs across your stomach while tap dancing to Living the Vida Loca, it’s a pretty powerful thing. It’s not that the words mean anything different in theory, but they mean something different because of how we perceive them. We don’t care that the first person loves us, but those words were powerful to them. That’s why they said it. But we wanted the second person to love us, and it meant the world to both of us. Can the same thing be applied to books? Art? Everything? Someone might hate your book and that doesn’t bother you, but someone else can hate it and it tears you up inside. It’s the power we give. Words are in the ears(?) of the beholder. They mean to us what we let them, or in some cases, want them to.  That’s a strange thought. We all know what it means to hate something, yet we can throw the word around a hundred times in a day, hear it from a hundred people, and it only matters a part...

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