How to Forget to be Afraid

How to Forget to be Afraid

Posted by on Mar 9, 2020 in Random | 2 comments

In honor of getting back to my creative roots, I’m taking things slow. It’s easier to build up momentum that way. I wholeheartedly agree with jumping in with both feet, usually, but this time, things feel like a slow-burn approach. Mostly because jumping in feels foreign and uncomfortable. It’s not something I’m used to anymore. In fact, it feels like something I’ve never done, even though I know that isn’t true. So I keep telling myself this is the way to do it. Don’t guilt yourself into it. Don’t feel bad if you don’t. Do what feels right. Even though I know once I get going, it will feel right. It’ll feel normal…for the first time in a long time. If I know that, why does it feel hard? Why does it feel like I’m a hack? Like a wannabe? Why is it uncomfortable to sit down and create? That, my friends, is the question. A slow-burn approach, ( i.e. only utilizing writing when it feels good) isn’t extremely productive when it comes to word count. This I know. But it allows me to do what I love to do most before a world unfolds; daydream. Often times I won’t talk to anyone about a book I’m working on. Not in the early stages. I have a strange legend-like fear that tells me if I voice the idea too soon, it may leave. Maybe it hasn’t grown roots in my soul yet and all it takes is a whisper to allow it to escape, never to be seen again. Foolish? Perhaps. But not a risk I’m willing to take. Maybe I just want to keep it to myself for a little while longer. That seems equally as likely. When I’m ready to talk, it’s either because I have it all figured out and I’m excited, or more often than not, I’m stuck. I enjoy having a soundboard; someone to talk about my ideas with. They don’t even need to speak or provide me with the answers. I just need to talk and the problems resolve themselves, or the ideas unfold in a natural way. In some cases, I need feedback on what I’m thinking or where I’m stuck. With that in mind, an interesting thing happened to me on the weekend. As you know, it’s been a few years and then some since I published a novel. In that time, it appears my oldest little girl has grown up. They both have, in fact, quite a bit more than I’m comfortable with, but alas, such is life. I digress. With the knowledge of my oldest having grown up seemingly overnight, an interesting thing happened. She became a part of the soundboard system. Usually, it’s me and my wife, but this time, she jumped right in too. I guess she’s old enough to partake now. Who knew? So here we...

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Restart, resume, or a bit of both?

Restart, resume, or a bit of both?

Posted by on Mar 2, 2020 in Random | 10 comments

I’ve been online and offline the past few years with everything up in the air. I often ask myself why? Why have I been ignoring my website, my books, social media outlets, and creative writing in general? It’s a question I’ve let plague me for years. I try to answer it and get inspired, and the circle of excitement, doubt, and then nothingness follows. It usually starts with an urge to make something. I want to: draw, or write, or sing, or…something. I want to create. I want to create something awesome, or great, sometimes I’d even accept a simple ‘good.’ This is followed by indecisiveness on which creative path to follow in that instant. Time goes by, I think some more of what I want to do, and then I announce internally that it’s too late to start anything now. Let the TV watching or video game gaming commence. Other times I just go to bed early. I’ve watched as fellow authors have come and gone from the industry, choosing instead another adventure. Although not active, I’m generally watching. Of course, only in a non-creepy way… I’ve let myself feel immense guilt over not writing. Over ignoring something I once loved. I told myself I wouldn’t be able to reach the stature and sales I once had. The landscape of publishing changes quickly, and if you’re not watching you might miss something. I did miss something. I missed the fact that I didn’t start writing to have a career and make a living. I was fortunate in that I was able to do that for a time, but I let that dream go in search of a life with less solitude. Throughout the entirety of my inner dialogue, I forgot the fact that I love to write. I write for me. That’s what makes my books so special. They’re a passion come to life. In addition, I missed the fact that I could’ve made a social life whilst maintain a writing life. I missed a great many things. But the best part of this crazy little thing we call life is that nothing is certain, and certainly nothing is permanent. It’s never too late. Writing, publishing, and creating, in general, is a choice. It’s something you do with intent, whether you know where the path is leading or not, you intend to create. Sometimes it’s a mess of paint on canvas not truly resembling anything, yet somehow it makes you feel something. What? That’s as much in the eye of the beholder as anything. Sometimes it’s a mess of words you can’t decipher, but it could be something, maybe. If you add this or move this here, or add a little of that. All I know for sure is that I miss the clickity-clack of the keys. I miss the rhythm of words and sentences bouncing off the...

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A New Dawn…or Something

A New Dawn…or Something

Posted by on May 23, 2017 in Matty Says, Random, Writing |

In my lack of attention to the blog, I realize reviewing the comments section here that I receive a lot of spam. I deleted well over a hundred comments that were garbage links. It reminds to use this space more constructively. Disappearing for months at a time helps no one, myself included. Which means I need to think of ways to use the blog that work for me. It’s not a place simply to talk about my books, because let’s be honest, there aren’t that many of them. It isn’t a place to promise more books, again, because I don’t write full-time anymore. But it is a place for me to write. To tell the bits of story that fill my mind but don’t have a place in a book, at least not yet. Perhaps one day. Today, after a short hiatus I took to educate myself on a few things, I emerge from the dim light of my reading nook a new man, or, at the very least, a man reminded of all the beauty language holds. In these moments I rediscovered a many great things. First, I don’t read nearly enough. That’s a sad truth; I love the written word, and the story writers produce with little more than a recognized language and an understanding of vision. Second, I don’t keep myself spurring forward with creative output. When I’m not writing a new book, my mind wanders aimlessly from one Fantasy world to another. I dream of fire and magic spurring in skies that dance with Northern Lights, and I find myself elsewhere. To an ancient forest, the dirt padded with the footprints of soldiers. Their gods abandoned them in a time of need, and the mythical forces behind their demons overpowered their armies. It’s fun, that is for certain, but a world uncreated is left in the imagination. Therefore, going forward, I’ll be using my blog as a creative outlet to spit ideas. Some will stay here and live for as long as the website is running. But a few might hold the potential as the hunting grounds for new stories I plan to tell. Only time will tell. One of the more important things I’ve learned the past few weeks is that whether reading fiction, or a book on craft, I have much to learn. This is a fact I refuted for no other reason than arrogance. I didn’t want to have much to learn. I wanted greatness fresh out of the gate, and as I look back on some of my earlier works, I realize they could have benefited from knowledge I didn’t have at the time. That’s not to discredit them, only to say going forward I have new tools to work with. I find myself, even when stepping away from books on writing, language, style, and craft to discover someone else’s fabricated world, learning. I’m taking things away...

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A Glimmer of Hope

Posted by on May 1, 2017 in Rant And Ramble, Writing | 4 comments

Today marks an interesting day. A turning point perhaps. As I’ve allowed myself to struggle the past year on what I wanted to do with writing and publishing, I decided late last week that I didn’t want a life in which writing didn’t exist. I will write, I will publish, and maybe nothing will come of that, but maybe something will. Regardless, the stories that burn inside me continue to churn, and I will follow suit and write them on the digital parchment I’ve done so many times before. Some of them I will publish, some of them I will scrap, and some will be kept just for me, but all of them will be written to the best of my ability. Which brings me to why today is an interesting day. All the decisions of writing aside, today I completed something. Not a word count or a story, no, nothing so grand, but a single chapter. A single first chapter, to be exact. It’s an important milestone for many reasons. In part, it’s important because I’ve tried to write it for months, but anytime I sat down to write I only revised the 8 or so pages I’d already written, never adding more to the end tally. Part of the reason is doubt in my ability to write, part is doubt in my desire to write, and part is fear of failure. Today all of those reasons fell short. They weren’t enough to stop me and I completed it. It’s also a milestone because this story, Sacred Cities, I’ve written many times before. Perhaps that’s why there is so much at stake for me here. The story refuses to die inside me, yet thus far I’ve failed to produce it in the way I dreamed. So today I finished a first chapter that I’m certain is right. It might not be good, and it will most definitely be subject to change, but at the core of what it is and everything it represents, it is right. Today is an important day. A great day even. It marks my first day back after an absence I’m sad to have taken. Today promises nothing, but today I delivered something for myself. Something I have refused to do for a while, and with it comes a chance at gaining forward momentum. Today marks a day I feel proud of myself. Not for word count or writing, but for completion. It’s a day of success, and nothing makes me more eager to create more successes than after a day I’ve already done just that. Something about it makes it seem not so…impossible. It’s not everything, but it’s something, and sometimes a glimmer–no matter how small–is all we...

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Release Day Blitz – Honor (Book 5 NOLA Zombie Series) by Gillian Zane

Release Day Blitz – Honor (Book 5 NOLA Zombie Series) by Gillian Zane

Posted by on May 13, 2016 in Author, Blog Events, Cover Reveal, Matty Says |

Today I’m taking part in the Release Day Blitz for Gillian Zane’s new book! If it sounds like something you might enjoy, check it out. And be sure to enter the giveaway below!   The NOLA Zombie series comes to a close with this emotional and action-packed installment. Since the SHTF, Romeo is good at one thing, killing zombies. He doesn’t want to waste his time with anything else. His fellow survivors think of him as a machine and he’s fine with that. There isn’t any time to waste on things, like feelings, or other nonsense. Lena Dervay, former movie star, current walking victim has barely been surviving in a repurposed middle school run by an incompetent Army Lieutenant. She and her group of survivors are as good as dead if they stay put.  When Lena finally gets in touch with Romeo, she knows that if anyone can come in and save the day, it’s him. Problem is, Romeo isn’t the charming, white knight, hero that she remembers. Lena is still drawn to him, though, and as their paths intersect she knows she might not come out intact in the end, body or soul.     Gillian Zane is the author of the NOLA Zombie series. Zane is the pen name of a prominent blogger in the publishing industry, which will remain a mystery unless you Google it. Since she can remember her goal has been to become Master of the Universe and has decided to focus first on the literary world. Things are progressing nicely. Zane has been a freelance writer for the last ten years and has published a few non-fiction works, none of which was very exciting. Zombies are much more exciting and a way for her to combine her two current obsessions, hot boys with guns and Doomsday Prepping. When she isn’t stockpiling MREs (Meal’s Ready to Eat) or researching how to build a cistern on a budget, she’s taking care of her little family and exploring the city that she loves, New Orleans. You can find Gillian Zane on twitter @GillianZane.   Sign up for her newsletter: http://eepurl.com/bmCzWf Web: romance.rocks twitter: @gillianzane facebook: https://www.facebook.com/GillianZaneAuthor/     a Rafflecopter...

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