A Glimmer of Hope

Posted by on May 1, 2017 in Rant And Ramble, Writing | 4 comments

Today marks an interesting day. A turning point perhaps. As I’ve allowed myself to struggle the past year on what I wanted to do with writing and publishing, I decided late last week that I didn’t want a life in which writing didn’t exist. I will write, I will publish, and maybe nothing will come of that, but maybe something will. Regardless, the stories that burn inside me continue to churn, and I will follow suit and write them on the digital parchment I’ve done so many times before. Some of them I will publish, some of them I will scrap, and some will be kept just for me, but all of them will be written to the best of my ability.

Which brings me to why today is an interesting day. All the decisions of writing aside, today I completed something. Not a word count or a story, no, nothing so grand, but a single chapter. A single first chapter, to be exact. It’s an important milestone for many reasons. In part, it’s important because I’ve tried to write it for months, but anytime I sat down to write I only revised the 8 or so pages I’d already written, never adding more to the end tally. Part of the reason is doubt in my ability to write, part is doubt in my desire to write, and part is fear of failure. Today all of those reasons fell short. They weren’t enough to stop me and I completed it. It’s also a milestone because this story, Sacred Cities, I’ve written many times before. Perhaps that’s why there is so much at stake for me here. The story refuses to die inside me, yet thus far I’ve failed to produce it in the way I dreamed. So today I finished a first chapter that I’m certain is right. It might not be good, and it will most definitely be subject to change, but at the core of what it is and everything it represents, it is right.

Today is an important day. A great day even. It marks my first day back after an absence I’m sad to have taken. Today promises nothing, but today I delivered something for myself. Something I have refused to do for a while, and with it comes a chance at gaining forward momentum. Today marks a day I feel proud of myself. Not for word count or writing, but for completion. It’s a day of success, and nothing makes me more eager to create more successes than after a day I’ve already done just that. Something about it makes it seem not so…impossible. It’s not everything, but it’s something, and sometimes a glimmer–no matter how small–is all we need.

    4 Comments

  1. You should definitely be proud of yourself and celebrate this accomplishment! Finding (or fighting) your way back to writing is always a beautiful thing.

    This is something I think we all struggle with. Those authors who claim to write consistently, all the time, every single day… they must be counting their Facebook posts, because there are just some days when an author must absorb the world, rather than tell about it. At least, that’s what I’ve found. I write every day, but not always on my projects. Just like you, I always feel sad about the absence from my own work, but I guess I’ve come to terms with the ebb and flow of it all.

    Bravo for a day of flow!

    • Thanks, Carissa! You know the worst part? The guilt. I guilt-trip myself or beat myself up for not doing it, and that makes it much harder to get it done LOL. It doesn’t make sense, but seems to be a strange and painful loop! Thanks for the support. 😀

  2. I’m just so happy! YAY! You know I want this story. What I know of it still calls to me. And I know it will be different but I still want it. So excited for your work today!!!

    • Me too! It’s been speaking to me–whispering in my ear–for so long, I look forward to letting it come out and see what it has to say!

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