Resolutions

Posted by on Jan 3, 2012 in Random, Rant And Ramble | 6 comments

I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions. I have nothing against them, it’s not as though they’ve ever done me wrong. I don’t have a problem with people who make resolutions. A resolution is a personal choice you make for you, to improve your own well being. Who can criticize that? Not me.

On a personal level, the idea of a New Years resolution is just another thing for me to put off changing if I don’t succeed. “I didn’t do it this year, but I’ll make it happen next year. I have 12 more months to prepare.”  For me personally, it’s just an excuse if I fail. I know that sounds pessimistic, but it’s just the way I feel. I believe in facing the truth and making resolutions, but I don’t do it because it’s the start of a new year. I do it today, tomorrow, the day after that, and right now. Because today is a new day, and if I don’t succeed, tomorrow is the beginning of another new day, and right now is the beginning of the rest of my life.

I make resolutions when they suit me. If there is a change that’s needed in my life, or in my personal world, or something I need to do to make things better, then I’ll make a resolution and try to make a difference. Sometimes it works and sometimes I fail, but I start right now and I’ll try until either I succeed, or I realize it’s not working because a change isn’t really needed. Sometimes I’m just approaching the change the wrong way. Sometimes it just takes time to figure out, because I’m not ready for that change.

2011 ended on a rocky edge for me, and 2012 started with me hanging on to it. The clock hit midnight and nothing changed. My world was exactly as it was a few moments before, which was not good enough. I didn’t recognize that a change was needed because it was the end of the year. I realized there was a change needed because my world wasn’t working for me. Something wasn’t right. What was that something? I still have no idea. My personal resolution isn’t to change the world, it’s to change my world. Maybe that change is minor, maybe it’s a drastic overhaul – something completely different. I haven’t figured that out yet, but one way or another, change is here.

I don’t love change and I don’t hate it. Most of the time I’m not even afraid of it, but sometimes, change is scary. When the fear sets in, that’s when things get difficult, but the one thing I try to remember, and it isn’t always easy, is that just because it’s scary, doesn’t mean it’s not right. Fear causes doubt and sometimes you can’t follow your gut, your head, or your heart. Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith, sometimes, you have to let go of the cliff, and sometimes you just have to be brave enough to take a chance, because when push comes to shove, it’s not brave if you’re not scared.